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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Zoomers, a demographic who matured during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the phrases this generation is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who forgo parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: embracing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks confirm your decision to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {